The Pains of Unpublishing a Non-Compliant Android App

So, I’ve been getting nastygrams from Google about an ancient (7.5 year+) app that no longer meets their content rating, privacy policy, description, or screenshot requirements. However they won’t let me get rid of it until I provide all of that. So, I am writing this post to serve as my privacy policy!

Google, don’t be evil should be extended to don’t be incompetent. Preventing me from unpublishing an app because it is no longer acceptable to have published is a broken logic circle that makes me foam at the mouth!

Edit: continuing the saga of fun, after making dummy content to populate all the newly required fields, they told me my app icon violated their copyright policy. It was a placeholder I had grabbed out of an Android examples bundle and was the same icon that had been in place the entire period. So, not only do I have to accommodate their updated nonsense policies to UNPUBLISH MY APP, it seems I may even have to figure out how to build this ancient code again to repackage it as an APK that will make them happy!

Edit 2, trying to file an appeal!

Edit 3, a good friend sent me this trying to add levity to a frustrating situation!

Edit 4, Google Account deleted AND APP STILL LISTED!

I tried to take the nuclear option and delete the entire Google account containing the Android developer account. After doing so, and having no access to manage ANYTHING, the app is still listed for sale in the store. Seems Google just claims orphaned apps as their own. I’m glad I cleared out my home address from my developer listing first!